Procrastinating timey-wimey stuff
I’m going to be pretty candid with myself here. I think I’m largely failing right now as a writer, or even game designer. This doesn’t really upset me, as I can pretty much pinpoint the cause of my failure to get on with any writing – now that I know what the reason is! Ultimately: it’s all timey-wimey – my failure to manage my time successfully and/or profitably. There’s also the fact that maybe I’ve taken on too much over the last few years. So let’s put things in perspective – these blog posts are perhaps the most consistent writing I’ve done this year.
I work a 9-5 job (with an hour’s travel both ways), and have extra responsibilities there now. I run the ORC Edinburgh website and this blog. I run two RPG campaigns on alternating Saturdays. I’m a Modiphius Silvershield and have travelled to a number of conventions across the UK, which can sometimes tie up a weekend. I live alone and have to eat, not to mention keeping the place maintained. And unless I fancy spending the rest of my life alone, I need to at least socialize with people (and even date!). One of my biggest problems is that I often get stuck in a pattern of behaviour – this can be useful at times, but can be an issue in certain circumstances.
Health-wise, I also need to exercise occasionally. I do a half-hour walk at work every day, 5km in 15 minutes on an exercise bike, and finally weights for 15 minutes. Not onerous by any means, and I’m in relatively good condition as a result. I’ve also not been sleeping well – I sleep very restlessly according to the Sleep Clinic at Edinburgh Royal Infirmary – and this has had some effect on me as you can imagine. While not quite full-blown insomnia (I may get anything from 2-5 hours of sleep), my sleep patterns have given me some very strange dreams. Despite what people think, it doesn’t mean I’ve more time to get things done. If anything, it slows me down!
These factors have all pretty much come to a head in the last week, and I realised that although I’ve failed to do much as a writer this year. I’m actually failing forward as result: turning mistakes into milestones.
A brief history of my “failing forward”
A few years back I did some freelance work for The Secret Fire RPG, including a large section on demonic lore for The Way of Tree, Shadow & Flame supplement (I also did some of the fiction and places in the RPG). As a freelancer, I was paid very well for it, and finished way ahead of the deadline. At the time I was lucky enough to be able to take some leave from work to do it. I know from this that I have both the ability and skill to actually write clearly, coherently, and well. Given the right reasons, I can actually sit down and do it!
Also, earlier in the year I submitted a draft story to Black Library (who publish loads of WH40k stories) but nothing came out of it. No problem. I wasn’t disheartened, or annoyed because I’d heard nothing. Many authors are rejected initially by publishers; or maybe I was just unlucky in that competition. Either way, it was good to have both a deadline and clear goal, rather than “just write”.
I’ve not exactly been totally idle though. I’ve actually sat down and laid out the framework for three Cthulhu Mythos-inspired stories and a notebook full of concepts and ideas for my fantasy/crime novel. The Scrivener application is very useful for this, although it has a bit of a steep learning curve. I tried writing the first chapter, but took a second look and realised it was utter drivel. I’ve not been back to it since. Negative criticism (self-induced or otherwise) can still be constructive.
I’ve also been using published campaigns for my RPGs, which cut down on my prep time. So far these outcomes have all been very positive, although it may not appear like that. So, with that in mind, I’ve come to a few conclusions.
Conclusions and resolutions
While I’d like to do more writing, I’m fairly certain that it may have to take a back seat for now. I tend to procrastinate a lot, and often still doubt my own abilities: I think I’m far more self-confident these days though. I’m in a pretty good place emotionally and am currently seeing someone too. It’s a little outside my comfort zone and ideal for getting my out of the pattern I’m in.
I’ve a number of projects ahead:
- To get to Edinburgh League of Gamers (ELG) – I’ve Battletech and Deadzone. I’d also like to try DUST and Firestorm Armada, and get to more of the Wednesday night boardgames nights.
- Two secret projects that are still in the planning/discussion stage, both gaming.
- My Criminology & Psychology degree begins soon.
- I’ve taught myself proper proof-reading to a certain extent, although I’m not professionally qualified. Not sure what I’ll do with this yet.
- I’ve the short stories and novel to develop.
If I do start writing again, it’ll be to a deadline (even if it is self-imposed) – perhaps NaNoWriMo later this year. With that in mind, I’m “micro-managing” my evenings when I return from work. It’s a system that works well for me, even if it is becoming an established pattern (which I suppose works in its favour).
- Monday: chores, laundry, recycling, etc.
- Tuesday: shopping, food preparation – large meals for freezing etc.
- Wednesday: Writing. whether it’s fiction or RPGs.
- Thursday: RPG preparation.
Essentially this leaves me Friday and the weekend free, although I can easily mix some nights around. Obviously my course may cause me to swap things around a bit, too. There’s a a few downsides to this. While the stuff I did with Leitheatre was interesting, it cut seriously into my evenings – two rehearsals on week nights meant I’d not be home until 9pm. And during the one-act play – I worked on it four nights solid (rehearsal, stage rehearsal/setup/take-down, rehearsal, performance) as floor manager and stage hand. Plus I didn’t realise how much I’d forgotten about lighting and sound since college! While it was fun, I’m stepping back from that for now. I’m also planning to cut back on the social media a bit – I spend far too much time on there I think.
I’m not sure I’ll do the convention circuit next year in the same way after Dragonmeet 2015 later this year. I think I’ll spend a little bit more time networking – I may not be much of writer or games designer, but I’ve found I do get on well with people in gaming circles. Plus it’d be nice to enjoy the conventions themselves! I’ve also taken a bit of a step back from ORC Edinburgh over the last few months as well. It’s now pretty much running itself as community, and the site doesn’t need as much patching and downtime as it used to. Plus the occasional pub meets are well-received, if not always well-attended! I’m fading into the background a bit on that score as a result – but I’m becoming better known in Edinburgh’s gaming community (and beyond!) too.
With that in mind I think I should be able to achieve something writing-wise. I may never be a great game designer or writer, but at least I’m trying!